Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
