I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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