This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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