And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
