and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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