My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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