Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
