My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
