He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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