She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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