That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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