I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
