Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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