I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
