There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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