I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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