You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
