It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
