were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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