you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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