It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
