Umm I'm too high to move.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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