So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
