garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
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So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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