So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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