waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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