You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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