Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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