Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
