Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
