You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
