can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
