i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
