he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
