I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
