so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
