i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
