i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
