i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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