just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
