Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
