I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
