he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
