Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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