i think i have two assholes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
