I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
