do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
they need to just BURY HIM!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i've created a new STD.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
