Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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