can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
