im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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