she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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