i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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