Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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