your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
