she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
