you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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