woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
