alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
