I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
