he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my shit smells like andre
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
