We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
