I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
