can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
