Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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