Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
