There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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