i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
