I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
