Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
