I just cut my nipple shaving
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
