these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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