I think I died a long time ago.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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