she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
