i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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