Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
