I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
