Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
